This post was contributed by Victor Mendoza, LMSW.
As a male therapist in Houston (and anywhere, honestly) I’m often asked things like:
- What’s it like to work with a male therapist?
- Do you see male clients? Female clients? Both?
- How do I actually start going to therapy when I was raised to view it negatively?
In this post, I’m covering the answers to my most frequently-asked questions.
What are your thoughts on the mixed societal messages on body image/beauty standards?
Diet culture and the thin ideal are common messages deeply engrained within our society—quite frankly, they often feel hard to escape. I don’t blame you for second-guessing yourself or engaging in constant comparison.
I always remind my clients that it is important to be mindful of the content we consume and to cross-check where we are getting our information from. I also challenge my clients to take a step back and evaluate what it is they are internalizing and why.
How would I navigate transference from a female-presenting client who views men negatively and is nervous to work with a male therapist in Houston?
What if your first positive interaction with a male could occur in a safe therapy space? Not only would it allow for deeper exploration, but it could help heal your overall perception of men and empower you to hold firm boundaries in subsequent male encounters.
The therapeutic relationship—however it shows up in the room—can allow us to work together to improve the quality of relationships you have outside the therapy space.
How do you make sure you really understand women’s experiences, especially around societal expectations or gender dynamics?
As a counselor, I lean on empathy, understanding, psycho-education, and active listening skills to ensure I am constantly open-minded and being a validating presence in the room.
As a regular guy, I lean on my support system of incredible women to help me understand the intricacies of a woman’s experience. I welcome feedback, and practice taking accountability for what I am unable to conceptualize.
What myths about being a male therapist in Houston have you had to debunk?
The myths that come to mind are that men are intimidating and see vulnerability as a weakness. Perception is often not reality.
While some people have perceived me as “stern,” once they’ve had the opportunity to engage in a conversation with me, they’ve come to know that I am a welcoming, calm, and warm presence to be around. We are humans, we all judge—quite often without realizing we are doing it.
How do you combat the stigma surrounding therapy?
When I think of therapy, the first thing that comes to mind is the lack of knowledge of what the process truly entails. In therapy, both the client and therapist are actively working together towards the goals that were initially set. It is both a supportive and empowering relationship!
This is your reminder that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Quite the contrary, recognizing that you cannot do it alone is a superpower. It is a strength that I do not take for granted. Vulnerability is scary and anxiety-inducing and it also fosters connection. And when you think about, at the end of the day, what humans crave most? Connection.
In therapy, both the client and therapist are actively working towards the goals that were set. So it can become a powerful relationship! Some people may think it is a space to just talk and in some cases that can be helpful.
To work with Victor, please contact our team for his availability.
